I've been doing okay for the last couple of weeks since my last major breakdown. Today however is a different story. I received the most beautiful gift from Eli's foster mommy.....100 picture's! He had the most beautiful dol at his foster mom's house and he had an American birthday party at SWS. I have to say I'm thankful he was able to experience a traditional dol in Korea even though I wish he were here. He is the most beautiful baby! He has the fullest lips! I cannot wait to kiss them! I've been clinging to the Bible and hanging on every word of God to get through this, but I have to say I've grown weary. I know this is affecting Sam and Lily too. Sam has been so grouchy and I know it's because half of me is in Korea. My mind has been pretty consumed with Eli. I keep praying and asking God to forgive me if this has become an idol, but then I remember Hannah. When she prayed she was so distraught that Eli thought she was drunk! And then I studied Gideon and he sat out a fleece to test God and see if He would be with him. So I don't know where the line is, but my heart is so heavy. Everything was moving so quickly and now it is at a stand still. I need prayer and lots of it! Jeremy seems to be handling it a little better than me, but he is still having a hard time. My biggest fear is the time that is passing, the time I can't get back with him, the time that he is growing closer to his Umma, the time he is away from his forever family. I love my family and I'm so grateful for the Lord's blessings. I'm ready to receive my blessing from Korea. Endurance Lord....I need endurance!!!